You have undoubtedly picked up information about these tapes by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would listen to this particular story about the lives of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded on our audiobook.

We can think of no single reason why anyone would want to listen to an audiobook containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.

It is our solemn and sacred occupation to research and publish each detail of the Baudelaire children’s lives and record them all, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as stocking another tape instead.